Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
