Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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