If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
