i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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