my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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