i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
