i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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