Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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