VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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