I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
