she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
