We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
