He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
