I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
