You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
