so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
