How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
