So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
