apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
