I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
