so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
