Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
