We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
