yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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