Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
