dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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