Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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