You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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