Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
