you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tell me about the fingering
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
