Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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