matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
