You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
