i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
