Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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