apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
