i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
