We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
