Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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