We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
