hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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