please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
