buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
