That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
