In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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