walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
