it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
