how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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