So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
