This is not my ceiling
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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