Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize