If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
