He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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